I have become very wary of expressing any opinion – it can so easily turn into aggression.
As well as astonishing dullness and conceit.
A couple of cases made me aware recently that I should very probably remain silent, whatever I feel or think about a particular subject.
I had dinner with one poor fellow I have known a while, whose company has sometimes been something of a trial.
Whatever anybody says, he will automatically disagree in a manner which has always seemed rude and bullying. Others excuse him on the grounds that he has a kind heart, which may well be the case, nonetheless I find his behaviour grating, to say the very least.
I always try to psych myself up before we meet, making a firm decision not to engage, to stick to small talk, not to venture any view on anything.
For some exasperating reason I found myself slipping recently and ventured an opinion on a fraught matter of philosophy. I was immediately corrected and treated to a view very different from my own. A view which did not appear to be particularly well informed.
I found myself veering into a mild argument – it happens to be a subject upon which I have read widely over the years. Unfortunately, my “opponent” did not appear to have read quite so widely, and I was firmly and somewhat impolitely corrected on every single point I made.
I remained calm, and I hope polite, but I am sure my annoyance must have shown in my face. Exasperated, I suggested my guest might perhaps be best to read a little more widely on the question before tackling me again on one of my pet subjects. He blustered for a little longer, went bright red, and then, mercifully, ceased to talk.
Immediately, I deeply regretted what I had said. I regretted that I had ventured any sort of opinion. On anything. It would have been so much better to have smiled and remained silent, however provoked.
Other opinions which I recently been wearied by have been found in books.
There can be few opinions so dull as those ventured on the topic of “enlightenment” and “awareness”.
Religious and spiritual salesmen are very fond of selling books and seminars and junkets on these topics. Out of which great fortunes have been made and continue to be made.
When greed comes through one window, honesty and decency fly out of the other.
Think “mediaeval catholic church” and the chantry. Salvation and heavenly bliss for the founder in return for cash.
Think “power of now”, think “12 steps to…… ” such and such unachievable goal. Opinionated bollox on enlightenment or a calculated and dishonest sale of snakeoil in return for worldly riches? Who knows, but the latter seems a strong possibility.
I bought a book recently by a psychotherapist who seemed to have some good common-sense views. On the absurdity of unprovable faith in religion and the awfulness of snakeoil salesmen in the New Age movement and elsewhere. On the need to drop belief in most things and simply go with the flow.
Unfortunately, by half-way through the book I realised that the fellow was probably just as opinionated and boorish as any other writer on self-help and, loosely speaking, spirituality.
I found his nihilism eventually just as grating as those who try to make me believe in miracles or a benign deity.
We are all robots apparently, there is no such thing as the self or panpsychism and anything other than pure physicalism is nonsense. And so is everything else which cannot be proved conclusively in a chemistry lab. Today.
And so, the book turned out to be yet another long litany of opinion. Occasionally softened by the author admitting he “did not know”. Unfortunately, despite this denial, it became very clear that the author very firmly believed he did know, and eventually his professions of unknowing became very hollow indeed.
Here was simply another book full of strongly held opinions. The author is right and anyone who does not share his views on the much-disputed field of “awareness” is dismissed as simply wrong.
So, what of myself? Where do I stand on all this shyte and what do I intend to do about it?
I will repeat once again that the older I get, the more I understand my fallibility. Every time I think I am getting somewhere, something happens or is said which makes me realise that my apparent progress is almost certainly illusory.
And so, if I continue to write at all, it must be from the perspective of a very personal diary which merely follows my “progress”, my daily search for meaning and happiness.
And outside of these pages I must try very much harder to keep my mouth shut. To keep my opinions to myself. Who knows, some of my views may turn out to be right, but realistically many of them will be seen eventually (perhaps even by myself) as nonsense.
So, I will read no more books on questions to which I know so well there are no answers. Which, in all honesty, leaves me to read for simple pleasure. Sci-fi, spy stories, adventure, fun. Stick to Tom Wolfe or John le Carré, Ian Banks. Evelyn Waugh perhaps or Graham Greene.
And I will certainly continue to meditate. The guy whose book I got halfway through thinks it’s crap. That people who meditate are merely self-hypnotising, anaesthetising themselves against the trials and tribulations of the “real” world. This guy toughs it all out and presumably feels good about that.
Meditation straightens my mind out. It relaxes me, it helps me to see the world in perspective. It enables me to see what is important in the world (very little) and what is not (most of it).
It helps me to observe my own mind, my own behaviour. It helps me to be a kinder, better person (an ongoing endeavour).
Far from hypnotising myself into a belief in a god or gods, or some heavenly realm (here on earth or elsewhere) I find that meditation makes me more realistic. About the state of the world, about my own behaviour, about what matters.
But there I go again – I am pushing an opinion, mine. That mediation and other ways I keep myself amused has a benefit. Or, worse, a truth.
Well, let me make it quite plain: my way of life suits me. It might suit you, it might not. I need endless quiet; I need to go within. I need silent contemplation and art and beautiful music.
Perhaps it doesn’t make me “better” (but in whose opinion)?
But it certainly makes me feel better. And I believe it makes me more tolerant and hopefully easier to live with.
So, if you read any more of my diary, recognise that it contains no “truth” as such.
It merely represents one old man’s attempt to make sense of his own life and the complex world around him.
Illustration: Jean-François de Troy – Time Unveiling Truth
Weltanschauung 
Very rarely these days do I get engaged in debates and conflict conversations about this or that. The Covid era helped cement population polarisation and ever since then, I too have no energy to enter into discourse which has no positive outcome on either side.
I tend to observe and ruminate these days and I’m calmer for it. If I formulate an opinion or belief based on what I’ve read, I either keep it to myself.
That said, not having any social media (besides WordPress) and avoiding all legacy and alternative mainstream news outlets also helps immensely.
I may be ignorant of the details of what is going on in the world, but I’m more at peace for it.
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I agree with you and lead my life the same way. Stress seems to have been my main problem over the years which, coupled with or caused by anxiety, seems to have caused my episodes of depression.
These days meditation seems to form a very useful role in combating stress.
I had overdone it this week, working on my laptop for longer than I should have done and last night suffered the consequences.
Today I mostly meditated in one form or another and tonight I feel a different person.
Chemicals or psychology, or perhaps a mixture of both.
I spent an hour or so in the garden doing a very slow but reasonably onerous pilates routine. Mostly stretching, really.
And bingo, I could actually feel the feeling good chemicals kicking in as I exercised. I felt the drugs as obviously as if I had eaten a handful of magic mushrooms or smoked a joint.
It’s got to the stage where I am probably as in control of my moods as I am ever going to be, and reading negative stuff like that book I mentioned ain’t gonna help me.
It seems I can only be helped by myself these days and it seems to be working well. At the moment!
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Whatever anyone says about meditation, it helps me. And that’s enough. If someone thinks it’s crap – well, that is their prerogative.
But it calms me, causes my thoughts to simplify and become clear and teaches me what I must do to bring on good emotions and keep harmful ones at bay.
With both meditation and exercise I get an influx of feel good chemicals. It’s all beginning to sound very physical, but that’s what it feels like at my end.
I can not reason my way to contentment, but these two daily practices seem to affect my mind in a beneficial and chemical way.
At which point I can see the world clearly and lead my life as I wish to lead it. Quietly, modestly and in peace.
I suppose you could call it self medication and I guess it is.
But at least these days my practices have shown me how I must lead life to remain stable and content.
Would that I had learnt such lessons a lot sooner, but better late than never.
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It’s a shame that this is true. Militant opinions and their defense bar the way to a genuine exchange of ideas, which I think most people truly crave. I’m not averse to being shown where my arguments or opinions fall down, and I seem to know instinctively the line past which I will not defend them. I’m a firm believer in always testing the reasons I believe in certain things. You have to recognise your own fallibility when it comes to knowledge. That’s how we expand our horizons.
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Yes, I think the problem, as always, is aggression and the inescapable human tendency to try to dominate others. Most obviously you see it in the horrible debates in our ghastly House of Commons. Exchanges of ideas are fruitful and useful. Shoving your opinions down someone else’s throat are not.
Someone was regretting the other day that the Arab Israeli conflict is so complex. I told her I do not see it that way. I see utter simplicity throughout the endless conflicts of human history. And uniformity. Greed and aggression, the desire to dominate.
And this it is with “opinions” which, soon enough can become conflict.
The world at large is unlikely to change so all I can do is to try to behave myself.
As I wrote somewhere else, I don’t seem to have any beliefs anymore.
Just the conviction that all that really matters is to try to behave decently.
Which on the whole these days I mostly seem to manage!
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Meditation is a word that is frequently used to cover a wide range of practices, some of which involve more complicated mental activity, than simply being relaxed in a moment with an acceptance of whatever is happening. Much of what is represented by this term, can easily defeat the purpose of its practice, so I do see why some people are aggressively suspicious about this.
Those who claim it is self hypnosis, or causes more harm than good, or is of no use, have likely not been able to sit silently, to genuinely try this, even for a few minutes. Anyone who has actually practiced meditation in the real sense, knows beyond any doubt, that it not just helps, but has tremendous positive effects on the overall quality of life. Personally, it has changed my life for good.
Specially in such matters, experience is more important, not a logic based intellectual argument, for which there can be many diverse views, but none of any value without direct experience.
Those who know, know it surely, despite having heard/read all arguments against, despite many other people being convinced it cannot be known/ done/ experienced etc. Anyone claiming anything contrary to one’s personal experience, should simply be ignored (in my opinion). Opinions (including mine) mean nothing. This applies to everything that people write about, or seem to promote through expression of their opinions. It is simple and easy, to just ignore what does not seem right and move on, instead of picking up arguments.
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Gosh, what good thoughts and how well expressed. Exactly how I feel too. For many, many years I read about Buddhism and meditation but it was only after dedicated practice that I “got it”.
Perhaps it doesn’t work for some people. And that is fine, although it’s a pity for them.
It’s much the same with exercise or music I suppose, two other practices which seem to add so much to my life.
Whatever floats your boat, as the saying goes. What works to benefit some may do little for others although personally I find it hard to believe that meditation would not work for anyone who takes it seriously enough.
But of course that is mere opinion, mine. I guess the real importance is to avoid aggression and unpleasantness. And I think meditation helps me to see that.
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As mentioned above, militancy appears to permeate most things these days, which is all very sad.
I was at a yoga/sound bath fundraiser yesterday for a local ecology/community project. After an amazing two hours of practice and peacefulness, I spoke to the project coordinator to volunteer my time, skills and effort to what had recently become lost.
Sadly, the conversation went down a very dark path when they became very militant and aggressive against the middle classes and those that work in my industry, going on even to wonder how both demographics sleep at night.
Before the session I was fully in, now I’m fully out and will look for alternative projects to support.
All very sad that the opinions of some of the opinionated can close doors with words, especially when there are those willing to help their cause.
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How terribly sad that such a worthy project can become wrecked by aggression and bigotry. And how utterly typical of our highly imperfect species.
Bigotry against a “class” or group seems so damaging and wrong. In these days of extreme political correctness it seems so surprising.
Substitute lesbians or Muslims for middle classes and the police would have been called. And I’m sure hatred against those classes are damaging and wrong.
And yet hatred against some groups seems to be OK, permitted, lauded even.
What an imperfect world.
Get me out!
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I’m still subjected to geographical bigotry, mostly from southern work colleagues in reference to Scouse stereotyping, which amazes me.
I do now challenge them and the standard response is usually along the lines of “I’m just having a laugh, thought you lot were thick skinned”.
Like you say, equality and HR policies doesn’t seem extend to certain demographics, so it’s left to individuals to observe poor behaviour and hold the mirror up to the brandisher when it surfaces.
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You are so spot on! Although, there are times we do need to stand up, and I would venture to say perhaps you needed to in your example. Bullies like your friend do need to hear dissension on occasion, if nothing else it lets them know there are other viewpoints. I too prefer to avoid that type of pointless conflict, but there are some topics that require taking a stand.
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There are. What is so unnerving is the realisation how easily those with big egos and strong opinions always dominate our world. And how the meek, far from inheriting the earth, get trampled into the dust.
I have given up being either surprised or worried by my realisation. Just accepting that that is the way the human race is, was, and probably always will be.
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The perennial, not to say cosmically existential conflict between spirituality and Attachment, just roars out of this post and throughout the comments.
I am reminded of me rolling my callow youthful eyes at what a Quaker elder once expressed in Meeting about the need our experiences lead us to, which is to “Let go and let God”. Experience soon quenched my impatience.
Best wishes,
Keith.
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