Tetelestai

It is finished – yes I think I know just what the poor fellow meant.

Contemplation is such an odd experience, especially for one in whom such words were written indelibly, in childhood.

Somehow the relinquishing of worldly concerns plays an ever more important role in my life. I have been working for weeks, months even, on a trading algorithm which turned out to be stillborn and somehow it does not seem to matter.  Nothing much does, except to care for those around me, including my elderly and increasingly infirm parents in law.

The dear old boy has battled valiantly to care for his mildly potty wife and finally this week the toll seems to have been demanded.  We shall rally round and give them the care they deserve.

It does all rather close in on you but in a way, the insights it brings are very cathartic.

I continue to toy with the big questions, quo vadis being the most poignant of those at this time. Those with faith have their own answer of course, those of us without are none too sure.

To have lived well, to have lead a life such that you can hold your head high at the end – that is perhaps the most treasured “possession” anyone could ask for.  Pride would not be a word to use in this connection, but inner satisfaction in knowing you have done your best probably sums it up rather well.

Sadness is an inevitable part of life. We come around to all emotions at one stage or another and if we have any sense of self preservation, we manage to ditch those which wreak the greatest destruction.

But measured sadness – quiet melancholy for what is passed or passing, that is not an emotion to be discarded. It is a positive thing, a rich and full examination of life, a remembrance of past years and all that was good about them. If there was bad, it no longer seems to matter so much and at the end, it is the good that you remember.

The love, the gentle kindness of a good couple – these are things to be treasured and while they are still around we should tell them how much they mean to us.

11 Comments

  1. So if you’re tetelestai with trading schemes then you’ll have more time for other endeavors. I presume that you’ll find them more enjoyable. My father (apparently by means of delusion) continues to find working on such schemes enjoyable. But then I suppose that enjoyable delusions are far better than the converse.

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    1. The actual coding IS enjoyable. In the same way, I suppose, as Sudoko or a crossword puzzle. Even then it might be better to use one’s skills to map bird populations or the stars. But the majority of such schemes are a waste of time. Momentum “works”…. Nothing much else does. Except front running as with HFT or insider trading. IPOs remain a good game if you can get Nadaq issues at the offer price. But yes, I ought to turn my hand to something more useful.

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  2. Your in-laws are lucky to have you all rallying around. I would hope, if I was them, that you came with a bit of a dose of melancholia too. People feel more bearable that way. It softens somehow.

    It’s hard to speak positively about melancholia because some people find any mention of it at all to be “morbid”. But those people seem to me brittle with their false positivity. Go off an influence on Insta and leave those of us who appreciate what a touch of melancholy brings. It seems to me to allow you to welcome and experience everything 🙂

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  3. Anthony, you said quo vadis was your own big question. Literally it means “where are you going?”

    This life is confusing. We often do not know why we are here, where we are going, nor what will happen when we get there.

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  4. Brilliant work. It is important to cherish those around you while you still have them. You cited something about a project at work that stirred something in me. The project at work didn’t pan out the way you like and it seemed unimportant in light of what is happening with your inlaws. It made me think of how much time we spend chasing career to provide a certain level of creature comfort for said loved ones when in all actuality what they need most is us. It just made me think. Anyways, I hope all goes as well as it can for the family. It’s not too often a blogger draws emotions from me but you definitely struck a chord… in the end all that matters is the good. Well said good Sir.

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    1. Thank you for your kind reply and my apologies for the delay in replying. I’m not quite sure why your comment got held up by WordPress – I have been having a lot of problems recently. I am so puzzled about careers and money – always have been. There must be better ways of surviving, of putting food on the table than the way we have lived for so many thousands of years. My elderly in laws are living holed up in their house and are on their last legs. My mother in law has increasingly severe dementia but happily the old boy seems to be making a bit of a recovery. It is a cruel world, very cruel. Given the way we are wrecking our environment, given the level of poverty and misery in the world we seems to need a “revolution” in out thinking and our lives. We need new economic models based not on the evolutionary struggle for survival but on kindness, co-operation and decency. We need, it seems to me, to target happiness and welfare not raw economic growth. Perhaps one day we will be able to change?

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      1. At least you’re thinking in solutions. I’m certain others would call you a dreamer for your line of thinking but that’s exactly what we need. It’s the dreamers that could carve out economic models based and loving-kindness not the business savvy. Naturally we’d need them to work together but it all starts with people dreaming of a day where we see each other as a large family and genuinely consider others needs as if they’re our own. Some day. Anyways, this is why I love the internet. We all get to connect and share ourselves in a very real way. People across vast distances get to feel that interconnectedness and see how much alike we all are, at our cores. I feel we’ll eventually change because it’s the only constant. Time will tell really.

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