What a difference a few weeks can make and how powerful the influence of the season upon the mood. If ever evidence were needed that we are mere creatures of nature, there be it.
I wrote a while ago of winter. A mournful season where all is death, even if, like the gods of old, life is programmed to rise again. As the planets revolve around the nuclear fireball which has given us life. As we witness the slow, diurnal march of birth towards death, and death to re-birth.
I have not written for quite a while. A couple of months have ticked by and l have wondered whether I have anything left to say. Or if I have, whether it is worth saying. Or indeed if I want to say it.
Now more than ever, I write for my own purposes. Let those who wish to read, do so if they will. If they find any meaning here or my words help them to elucidate their own deliberations then so much the better. But I will have served my own selfish purposes by keeping this diary of my endless search.
Endless. I wonder. Clearly not, unless I can make claim to immortality, but that would be a step too far for me. I make no such claim and while I sense great mystery in the universe, I make no pretense of an idiosyncratic afterlife.
Despite the cold chills of winter and the darkness of the days, February and early March were times of growth in my life and thoughts. Gradually the blackness, which so often clouds my mind, lifted. Light, metaphorically speaking, pierced and illuminated the clouded recesses of my spirit. The unilluminated waters of the storm and the rage and howling of the wind began to quieten.
For how long the fairer weathers last, who can say. Not I alas, but I will enjoy the warmth and bathe in the light of gentler thought while I may.
There were times over the months of cold, black winter when a terror seemed to fill me. A deep pessimism and fear of life itself. Of the world and all that dwells in it.
I am a seeker and in truth I know my way. But it is all too easy to loose sight of the sky on life’s journey through often dark and impenetrable woods.
Perhaps the day will come when darkness is banished and its hold removed for good.
Weltanschauung 
My wife suffers from SAD during the winter months and both of us now take Vitamin D / K2 to help boost the immune system due to Ra buggering off for several months. Does it work, perhaps, I’ve not found myself in darker places during the darker months, so whether it chemically works or whether it’s a placebo doesn’t really matter.
The said, it’s been arguably the darkest winter on record, due to the lockdown and isolation, and I don’t think we can ever return to this situation again, else there will be even more dire consequences than the increase in mental health we see (or don’t see) today.
But hope “Springs” eternal as they say, and I sincerely hope that your future posts bloom in numbers too (I have missed them), like cyber daffodils 😀
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Interesting – I had never really related things to SAD before although I have a sister who suffers that way. For years I lived in the mountains in Switzerland and I think the wonderful sunshine must have helped. As did the endless skiing and snowboarding! My wife fills my pill pot with vitamin D and something apparently called pro-biotic which she claims has benefit. It has indeed been a very dark winter – I have never before been affected to this extent. Hopefully things are on the mend. Next winter I have it in mind to go somewhere sunny and warm for a few weeks. Perhaps even a month or two. Although I doubt my wife will want to leave her aged parents.
Thank you for reading, in any event. It does seem to be beneficial to express oneself from time to time!
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If allowed, we are thinking of getting away from it all too, back to my daughters roots in Malaysia or perhaps Thailand. How I long for a beach and a bottle of chilled Tiger beer watching the sun bugger off over the horizon!
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While reading this lovely bit of Springtime reflection, I was reminded of the well-known quote from T.S.Eliot, from the set of poems entitled, “Four Quartets.”
“We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”
It certainly is an encouragement to persist at our explorations, and promises a tangible reward once we put what we learned in perspective. The perspective you shared with us here is clearly an optimistic one, and I’m sure all of your readers wish for you and yours much benefit in the years to come, with as much warmth and sunshine you can manage!
Kind regards…John H.
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