The Snob

How hilarious, the asinine snob,

Mr. Collins, the pompous and obsequious clergyman from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Hyacinth Bucket of the BBC comedy series Keeping Up Appearances.

According to Wikipedia, “snob” is a pejorative term for a person who believes there is a correlation between social status and human worth . Or indeed, we might add, financial status.

You have to laugh at the stupidity of it all. We all emerged from a bunch of savages, five or six hundred of them apparently, who left Africa a few hundred thousand years ago to colonize the world as we know it. The “Out of Africa” hypothesis.

We share most if not all of our DNA with mice, elephants and numerous other species. And of course we share all of our DNA with less privileged people who live in remote parts and have not yet caught up with baths, democracy, the English language and political correctness.

Long before the jolly exodus from Africa, all life on earth from the jellyfish, to the human, to the toad had a singe common ancestor.

How’s that? Lady Catherine de Bourgh and Hyacinth Bouquet are descended from primordial gloop? Yes, I fear so!

And yet Mr Collins insists on sucking up to Lady Catherine because she has a big house and quite a few bob in her bank account. Mr Collins insists on believing that Lady Catherine is worth sucking up to.

Who gives a tinker’s fart? I mean, really.

Its not just the nobs we suck up to, although a vapid couple were recently heard to announce grandly that they had just come from “Highclere”. It’s politicians also, and grubby, tarnished Biznizz people. Chevening is dropped into the conversation, or Chequers. Anyone will do. Anyone with piles of filthy lucre and/or a media presence. Yes, royalty (minor or otherwise), the filthy rich, the vulgar, the famous.

Grub, grub, up the greasy pole we climb.

I wonder if snobs suck up to the Kardashians? I’m not too familiar with American snobbery but I assume they must have at least some sense of perspective? Perhaps they only suck up to wealthy Wasps and descendants of the Mayflower pilgrims?

Does an American snob suck up to Trump? God forbid, but snobs are such fools you never know and after all, he is rich and famous whatever else he may be.

So beware, be on guard lest you find yourself name dropping. Be on guard lest you find yourself “brown-nosing”. The trick has to be the exercise of constant vigilance. Stand always with a hat pin ready to hand, ready to deflate the preposterous pomposity and stupidity of all around you.

And if you catch yourself dropping a name, god forbid, stick that pin right up your own bottom. It’s the only way.







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