Norman Nembutal

For the ever mercurial Alfred the sun did not rise yesterday. After a splendid microdosed  Sunday,  he woke with a bump on Monday morning.  Right from the off, he knew it was going to be a bad day.  A very bad day.

There is no point whatsoever reading about Alfred’s boring and average existence if he reports the good without the bad.   And Monday was bad.  And for no particular external reason. He has been working away on some algorithms for a New York Hedge Fund and  usually  this arcane process gives him much pleasure.  Not so yesterday.

As so often yesterday was a day in which Alfred could see no good and the world seemed a pointless grind.  There was no cause other than the physiological. Admittedly, he had been dreading the task of returning his tax papers to his accountant but yesterday this long delayed task caused almost blind panic once Alfred had sat himself down to glance yet again at his neglected paperwork.

As usual in such situations Alfred yearned to be far from civilization, off grid.  Far from greedy officials and governments who in any event excrete ones meager offerings down the drain of waste and corruption.

Tempted to take another dose of magic mushrooms, he had the good sense to hold off and to suffer as so often through a day of serious darkness.

And lo, Tuesday dawned and right from his first stirrings Alfred knew that the day was going to go well.  He was glad he had not succumbed to nembutal or psilocybin the previous day and determined to put off another microdose until the morrow.

Alfred is determined to shine the light upon this apparent miracle cure and hopes that six months or a year might make every day a good one, microdosed or not.

Alfred feels physically better without SSRIs although three months of cold turkey was a living hell. He does not wish to tread those paths again  nor revert to the cold embrace of Eli Lily.

The true test for psilocybin will be whether it manages to salve Alfred’s tortured pysche on a permanent basis.  Supposedly (and indeed in testing illuminated by MRI scans,) the drug connects neural pathways in unusual ways and increases the number of those connections.  Perhaps continued or permanent microdosing will be necessary to maintain that increased connectivity. Perhaps six months or a year down the line every day will be filled with good things. Perhaps not.

No doubt Alfred will keep us informed of his progress.


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